Sexy Saturdays: Who is sharing your bed?

Last week we discussed a sensitive topic, that of marital aids.  The subject brings up another

issue that affects every one of us in our marriage bed: our childhood.

The Story of Us with Michelle Pfeiffer and Bruce Willis, a movie about a struggling marriage and family, is great entertainment and truly insightful.  In one scene the couple sits in bed arguing when suddenly their parents appear in their bed and fuel the argument.  It illustrated how our childhood voices influence our sex lives.

For those of us who grew up in well-meaning homes, guilt can often be associated with our sexual desires.  Eminent psychologist, author, and lecturer Dr. Archbald Hart wrote “Guilt-based sexual feelings are ingrained at an early age by unwitting parents.  One must learn to ignore these feelings.”

Whether it was a parent, church, synagogue, mentor, teacher, or relative, many attempts at encouraging sexual responsibility in youth often create guilt feelings later.

This warrants some self-reflection time.  Ask yourself these questions:

What was I taught (directly or indirectly) about sex from those in authority over me (parents, teachers, etc.)?

What did I pick up from friends or culture about sex when I was younger?

Do any of the above answers need to be ditched or adjusted in my adulthood?

How have some of these distorted views of sexuality affected my intimacy with my spouse?

Who do I need to forgive?

Do I need to ask forgiveness of my spouse for how some of my attitudes have affected him/her?

Ideally, these questions would be great to do alone, but then also with your spouse.  But even if it’s just on your own there could be tremendous healing in your mind, heart, and marriage bed.