Asking vs. Withdrawing...the great debate

I (Beth) have talked before about how to ask for what you need from a man, by simplying using words like, "Babe, can you please help me with this?"  But what about when it's another woman?  How as woman do we best respond well to each other when there's conflict?

My preferred method of choice:  withdrawal.

Healthy?...not so much.

I'm learning.  I have so much to learn.  

So, here we come with more Alison Armstrong insights.  So, she recommends asking for what you need.  And then asking the other person what they need in order to give you what you need.  I know that sounds a little confusing, so I'll try with a little sample:  

So, Mom, I need you to encourage me and offer ideas, instead of criticzing the things I value & how I spend my time.  When you do this, I feel very discouraged and withdraw from you.  I really don't want to do that.

What do you need to give me what I'm asking for?  (She might say, that she needs more information or extra time to process it out with you...etc.)  

The whole idea is to communicate what you really need and not be afraid of the possible confrontation.  And also to do it in a way that truly respects and honors the other person.  

Here's to giving healthy communication a try!

Intimacy needs friends

The other night, we got together with a sweet couple.  They really are wonderful together - two different people, but super compatible. We loved being with them.

As we ate, we enjoyed the art of adult conversation! No interruptions by little people, no bibs, throwing food, picking up sippy cups off the floor for the umpteenth time...etc.

So, we chatted about the the things that have helped us in our marriages, and things that are presently just challenging.

Challenging?!

Hmmmmmm....it usually isn't rocket science, is it?!

Intimacy!  Of course!  lol!

With or without little ones, to get time to be together, then as a woman, we need time to connect emotionally usually, in order to actually be fully present to engage with our men!  

Yikes, that's a tall order!  

But, what Kurt and I loved was that they were both so willing to be transparent & dialogue with us.  It was refreshing!  

Intimacy is one of those things, that you need people on your side to encourage you to keep taking the next steps, whatever that may be.  You need people to acutally feel safe enough to talk about such things, and people that you feel would give you good advice because they know you and your spouse well enough.

If you have someone like that in your life, your life is so rich.

If you don't have someone, seek out those people.  

The bottom line is:  intimacy is amazingly wonderful and incredibly challenging, all at the same time.  Having people to go to be on your side in it, eases the journey and helps you realize you're more normal than you think!  :)

Mar-a-Lago Turkey Burgers!

As we gear up again for our wonderful Once-A-Month-Cooking Extravaganza, one thing we make every single month is what we affectionately call: our beloved Mar-a-Lago Turkey Burgers.  

Healthy and Yummy Turkey Burgers!

A video posted by Kurt & Beth (@forrealweddingfilms) on Aug 4, 2015 at 3:41am PDT

They come from a delightful book called Bread & Wine byShauna Niequist. The background story on these little guys is that when Oprah visited Donald Trump at his  famous Palm Beach house, these were served.  She loved them so much she asked for the recipe because they were the best turkey burgers she'd ever eaten!

So, these are clearly not your run-of-the-mill, boring, dry turkey burgers.  

Oh, no!

These are moist, yummy, and delightful little boogers - opps, I meant burgers!  :)

(Did I seriously just write boogers!) lol!

So, we just had to share them with you.  They are so easy to make, freeze and have ready at a moment's notice (ok, a couple hours to thaw).

But seriously, they are delish!  I think it's the sweet mango chutney and crunchy Granny Smith apples that gives them the extra bang!

Everyone here enjoys them and often Kurt and I enjoy them as extra protein chopped up on a bed of greens.  

Here's a fun little video we thought you might enjoy!

So, here's the recipe:  

1/4c. scallions, thinly sliced

1/2c. celery, finely chopped

3 Granny Smith apples, peeled and diced

Olive Oil

4 lbs. ground turkey breast

1 T salt

1 T black pepper

2 t. Tabasco

Juice of 1 lemon

1/2 bunch parsley, finely chopped

1/4 c. mango chutney ( I buy Major Grays at Heinen's)

Sauté the scallions, celery, and apples in the olive oil until tender.  Let cool.

Place the ground turkey in a large mixing bowl.  Add sautéed items and the remaining ingredients. Shape into 12 burgers.  (Or we make smaller ones, like slider size, so it makes more!  Usually 16-20)  Refrigerate for 2 hours before making, or throw into the freezer and bag later to have when you want them.  We often double the recipe, so they last hopefully all month long!  

Enjoy!

Sweet strawberries and the value of puttering

Strawberry picking.

It sounds...well....lovely, doesn't it?  Who doesn't love to eat those sweet little red berries, all yummy

and warmed by the summer sun.

Lovely....that is until we have to start picking them....ourselves!  lol!

So, last month we did our annual trip to the strawberry patch.  This year we wised up as we wore boots.  It was so muddy last year, that all we heard was a lot of complaining about mud and being dirty! (Yes, we have all girls!)  

So, this year, it was just us girls.  Kurt was editing.  I had wondered to myself: was I a little off my rocker to attempt to pick strawberries with everyone, but esp. our youngest - affectionately called, "Celia, our silly pants", who is 19 months?  

But, we bravely plunged ahead.

I'd like to tell you that it was a sweet, lovely strawberry picking experience, where everyone was just thrilled to be there, but.....well....not so much.

But really, it wasn't the girls.

It was me. (sigh!)

I had a plan and I wanted to make it happen.

What was the mission?  To pick 2 full buckets of berries. (Visions of strawberry jam danced in my head)  

I had a vision of what I wanted and I was going to see it through.  Alas, the vision didn't materialize.

At the marriage conference we were at in LA last month, we learned about the value of puttering.  Puttering?  What was that I asked?  It sounded like wasting time on purpose.  Definitely not efficient.  Definitely not something I do...very often.  

But the more I learned about "wasting time," the more I realized I need it.  And it's actually the opposite of wasting time.  When we get time to "putter," we get reenergized to engage with others, focus more, and we get recharged to step in with the kids....etc.  

So, as I look back upon the strawberry picking experience, I realize that I needed to chill out and putter with my girls that day more in those sweet strawberry fields.  Maybe we might only get to one bucket instead of two, but having fun and enjoying the ride with them would be more fun and ultimately more memorable and sweeter - just like those amazing berries!

The Sweetness of Hospitality

A few nights ago, we had invited some people over to chat up married life stuff.  We love to do that kind of thing and well...that's what we do!  

I admitted to Kurt that I was kinda tired at the end of the week - didn't really want to go to the store, make dinner, clean the house, and so on.  I wondered if maybe instead of hosting, we could go out for dinner instead.

Kurt's response:  "Ummmm.....ok!! Sure, babe!" (Secretly, I think he was doing jumping jacks out of

happiness)  lol!  :)

So, as it turns out two of the couples couldn't make it, so it ended up just being us and one other couple.

Here's the best part.  

When I called and talked to the wife and suggested going out, she instead graciously offered her place and her delicious cooking.

"WOW!! Really?! I don't want you to be stressed at all," I said.

"Nope, I got this!  We'd love to have you over here,"  she responded.

Me:  Are you sure?!  Well....ummmmmmm......ok!  (and I was secretly doing jumping jacks now too!)

Wow, what a blessing! To be able to receive such gracious hospitality was such a gift to us.  We enjoyed the evening that much more.  

So, if you have been doing a lot of giving to others, be crazy and try something (even ask-eek!) where you can just take a back seat.

Or, if you have been on the receiving end of a lot of other people's hospitality, consider flipping it for fun and invite them to come and enjoy some time at your place.

Heavenly Breakfast

Breakfast, it's one of my favorite meals of the day.  Last week,was such a delightful breakfast

experience that I just had to share about it!!  :)

A dear friend and I made the early am trek to Ohio City to experience Jack Flaps.

We hit the jack pot!

This restuarant is known for just breakfast & brunch dishes.  And they truly are amazing!

We ordered both something savory and sweet and split them.  I ordered theBreakfast Banh Mi.   Jen ordered the Lemon Curd buttermilk pancake.  

  

After just one bite, we knew we were in love!

Seriously, we couldn't believe how divine these dishes were....I mean, we kept sighing and moaning over these dishes!  lol!!      

The blueberry sauce and the lemon curd is a dynamo combo!  Add the graham cracker crunch and it truly puts you over the edge!

Then there's my egg and Vietnamese sausage...with that everything bagel cream cheese.  Yikes!  It was just heavenly!  (Yes, they might have these dishes in heaven!)

I had mentioned to Kurt before leaving that I'd most likely bring him home some leftovers....ummm, not so much.  That never happened as I ate it all!  So instead, I told him that we need to have a breakfast date soon and head over to Jack Flaps.

So, if you're looking for that amazing, a-bit-different-but-scrumptious breakfast, you might really dig Jack Flaps!  

A little love in unexpected places (hint: it's in a smoothie!)

Do you ever find it hard to buy that perfect gift for one of your parents?  I mean, my dad....yikes!  He's the hardest to shop for.  I think because he's so easily happy with nothing!  Never really NEEDS anything!  And my mom, well, she might be a little easier, but still takes a whole lot of energy to think through what she'd REALLY love!

 

Well, a couple of years ago now, we came up with the brilliant idea to buy her a Vita-mix blender.  It

ended up being a group gift from all of us. 

We nailed it!  :)

She LOVED it!

And if I'm completely honest, so did I!  For I got to try out her fun new gadget too!  And as we live next door to my parents, I got to try it out often!  Actually, I ended up using it so often that eventually the blender started staying at our house for longer and longer visits.  Honestly, I didn't mean to do this!  Really!  And then the (glorious!) day came when my mom said "Beth, why don't you just keep it as your house?  You use it more.  I know where to find it, when I need it."

I was torn!  Secretly, overjoyed....but, wait....this was HER gift!

Moms can be hard to budge, and well....the delightful Vita-mix is presently residing on our countertop.  And she is well used.  Daily she is enjoyed, and cleaned!  (thankfully she's easy to clean!  All we do is throw in warm water and a little soap in the blender & turn her on.  Rinse and done!)

My go-to for a healthy, yummy snack is almost always a smoothie.  Kurt, I would say, thinks it's a lot of work to do that when you can just grab an apple or a cookie.  (cookie, healthy?  Oh right, they were OATMEAL chocolate chip!)  lol!  :)

So, a recent smoothie obsession has been the following recipe.  It's so good and so healthy, it's just crazy!  I hope you enjoy it as much as we do.  (BTW, it's not the one in the photo!)

Chocolate Smoothie Bliss

1 c. almond milk (or any kind)

1/2 avocado

3 T cocoa powder

2 T agave

10 ice cubes

Mix and enjoy!  If it's too thick, call it ice cream! :)  We add mini chocolate chips on top for added pleasure!

When I make this for Kurt just because, he sighs....is reminded of how much I love him....and we both are so thankful that we bought that Vita-mix blender for us.....I mean, for my mom, many moons ago!