Early on, I could not figure out why my crazy, hot wife was not turned on all the time! It was so strange to me and this punch from reality turned into many painful conversations and disappointed romantic hopes.
Many years later, we look back humorously because we've learned something.
Here is the truth that I wish someone had taught me years ago:
"for men arousal leads to sex, but for many women sex leads to arousal."
-from The Generous Husband
This is backed up by a Psychology Today article that states,
"But scientists do seem to agree on a few things. One is that gender stereotypes seem to hold. When it comes to desire, men have more of it, both in frequency and intensity. Among women, levels of desire vary much more than among men. They also vary more within individual women, depending on time of the month and across the lifespan. Sexual desire in women is less directly tied to physical arousal than it is in men; in fact, it often follows arousal, rather than precedes it. In women, desire is much more a matter of mind than mechanics and seems to be more affected by partner relationships, what's going on around them and, perhaps most important, how they feel about themselves. Female sexual desire is not just more complex but more fragile, too. But it may be something that women can learn to feel."
So the other night when my sweet wife was up for "it" (mainly because she loves me, not because that was what she really wanted at 10:30pm), but had a hard time getting 'all there,' (giggles then wondering if we started the dishwasher, etc.) I wasn't frustrated like I was 10 years ago. I've learned it takes some time, then voila! Something finally kicks in and she's praising God for the sweetness of intimacy!
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