3 Things That Won't Change in Your Spouse

In a previous post I commented that "love me as I am" often means "I don't want to change for you."

I still stand by that, but it applies to some things and not others.

In other places, we've found that the best thing we can do for each other is to understand each other and learn to work with it, rather than be constantly frustrated.

Here are three areas to learn to accept.

1. GENDER
Beth long had been frustrated by how I get overwhelmed by too many demands or not being able to focus on her at various times.

Then we both started listening to a radio show that explained males and females.  Here we learned: Oh!  Men can ONLY focus on one thing at a time.  Now she understands and works with that.  She even teaches our girls to recognize how to gently interrupt daddy when they need his attention.

(This also explains when a guy has sex on his mind that he can't also maintain a conversation about planning for an upcoming family vacation.  He does care about that, but time with you is the only thing he can address right now.  True story :)

2. PERSONALITY STYLE
Beth loooves having people over and entertaining.  She's a people person.  I'm more of an introvert.  For years, I was so annoyed by her wanting to have people over and all the crazy house and food prep that this involved.

Then, I realized: Beth's "people-loving skills" are a huge gift to the world and a huge part of who God made her to be.  What the heck am I doing trying to thwart it?  That's when my heart changed and I started getting behind her and supporting her.

3. BIRTH ORDER
While Beth and I are both the babies of our family (we both have an older sibling), Beth is the only girl and, therefore, operates a bit like a firstborn.  That helped me realize that she wasn't just trying to railroad me when she creates all these structures and plans.  It's part of who she is.

I, on the other hand, operate much like a middle born (because of some family dynamics, I didn't take on the usual last born traits).  This means I'm very accommodating and like to bring peace.  Beth used to see this as not being willing to take charge.  She has learned to see that there's a lot of good in my approach that involves looking at things from different angles and seeing what works best for everyone. (a great book for understand birth order and relationships is here)

Action point: study each other and study yourself.  Though it doesn't apply all the time, many of these are cases to learn to love "the way they are."