Intimacy: what I wished someone would have shared with me

As a woman, there are so many things I wish someone would have shared with me about sex BEFORE we got married or at least somewhere within the first 5 years of marriage!  :)

So, to be able to talk about sex in an open, transparent way often is really hard to find.  

 

But, we're willing to be transparent and risky here!  :)

What I wished someone would have shared with me:

1. I wished that someone would have told me that achieving really satisfying intimacy takes a long time (years) to develop.  It’s like a violin.  No one picks it up for the first time and cranks out a classical masterpiece.

2. I wished that someone would have shared with me that being able to enjoy the ride would allow me to relax and help get me more to a place where the elusive orgasm can occur.  

3. I wished that someone would have told me that orgasm wasn't the end-all-be-all to sex.  Sure, it is amazing…but it's not everything.  At that PAX conference we were at, Alison Armstrong hilariously described women’s climax as being like handling a slippery fish: hard to find and hold onto.  :)

4. I wished that someone would have shared with me that, as women, we take a long time to get tuned in and focused, and that by taking care of my man first it really helps a lot to get me more ready to be able to arrive to that needed, trance-like state.

5. I wished that someone would have shared with me the sex is an adventure - and to relax, and truly enjoy it.  There's up and downs, times we laugh and it's goofy, other times we hardly say a word…all so different.  But in the safety of each other, there's the freedom to be and not fear all the weirdness and awkwardness that just comes with our varying moods.  Nothing else helps as much as letting go and truly enjoying it.  

Yikes, that's honest.  I know that each of our experiences is different.  I hope that what we've learned is somehow helpful.