We have quoted before from the brilliant book by Alison Armstrong called The Queen's Code. This is yet another quote brimming with true wisdom. Instead of us doing much commentary, we'll just let the book speak for itself!
How to Tell a Man What You Need
1. Ask for a time to talk “about something I need today/tomorrow/next week.”
• Keep your voice warm (but not falsely light) so he doesn’t think he’s in trouble.
• If his body tenses up, come right out and say, “Don’t worry, you’re not in trouble.”
• Tell him how many minutes you think it will take and don’t underestimate to make it seem easier.
• Make an appointment.
(This is because he’s Single Focused and you want him focused on what you tell him. Don’t attempt a ‘Needs Conversation’ while he’s focused on anything else, like driving, dressing, eating, reading, etc.!)
2. When it’s time to talk, thank him for what a great Provider he is.
(Men play for points — this lets him know he’s in a game he can win.)
3. Tell him what you NEED. Use that word and be specific:
• When you need it, exactly, including how often if it’s an ongoing need.
• What it would look like. Don’t assume he’ll interpret words the same as you.
4. Tell him what receiving this would Provide for you. Be specific:
• What you’ll be able to be/do/accomplish/handle.
• How it will make you feel and why that matters.
5. Ask “The Partner Question”: Is there anything you need to give me what I need?
(And open your mind; it probably isn’t what you’d require.)
6. Ask: Is there a particular way I can show my appreciation for you giving me this? (And open your mind …)
Excerpt From: Alison A. Armstrong. “The Queen's Code.” Routledge. iBooks.
Again, this book is worth it's weight in gold. Consider purchasing the printed version or the online version (that comes with accompanying videos)
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