Friday List Days: Boundaries

Do you say yes more than no to other people’s demands?

Do you get resentful of all the things you do for others?

Are you good at hiding resentment with a happy face?

Do you often feel guilty if you let others down?

Do you feel like a victim?

Do you find yourself smiling when inwardly you are angry…but feel selfish that you are angry?

Are you overstressed or overtired because you’re trying to meet other’s expectations or needs?

If you relate to these it’s likely that you are a people-pleaser. 

Welcome to the club!  I was one for a very long time.  And while I still tend toward being accommodating, I have come a long way in asserting myself.

A seminal book on the subject is simply named Boundaries by Henry Cloud and John Townsend. 

The beginning principle is this: We are responsible for us and what is in our boundaries.  We cannot control what belongs in other people’s boundaries, nor is anyone else allowed to control what is in our boundaries. 

The following are ours and no one else’s:

Feelings

Attitudes and Beliefs

Behaviors

Choices

Values

Limits

Talents

Thoughts

Desires

Love

No one can make us do anything.  But for those of us who are people-pleasers that seems so untrue! 

The authors state, “Compliants take on too many responsibilities and set too few boundaries, not by choice, but because they are afraid.”

Fear.  Because of fear we open our borders and let people trespass on our property. 

I’ll try to explore that some more soon.