Drive-by love: making parenting and a love life work

As the amount of children in our house increased, we hit a point a number of years ago where we had

to choose between less sex or more drive-by sex.  The option that many seem to choose was to not to have as much.  My guess is that they didn't actually "choose" this option directly.  They simply fall into it because their sex life was a matter of mood and opportunity anyway.  And if there's one thing parenting does, it's that it squashes mood and dwindles opportunity.

We had long ago decided that our love life could not be left up to those two things.  This led us to scheduling it.  Each week on Saturday or Sunday we get out our planners and talk through our week together.  This includes all sorts of everyday plans, but also includes when we're going to make love.

Scheduling sex some weeks is more complicated than others, but we make it a priority to plan for it.  We've also had to plan for the real-deal and drive-by.  Our percentage of drive-by (otherwise known as the Quickie) is, unfortunately, higher than our real-deal time, but we see it as a way to keep us connected and satisfied in this season of our life, even though we both ultimately prefer more quality lovemaking time.

Someday, as our kids grow up, we dream of time when we can have a higher real-deal percentage than drive-by, but for now, we make it work and choose to love each other anyway.  In fact, those drive-bys help us stay flirty, bonded, and appreciative, and when it comes down to it: it makes us better parents too.

Work, Work, Work and our Anniversary

This is what it took for us to get a date out on our anniversary:

-asking our parents if they could watch the kids.
-checking our calendars together weeks in advance.
-planning for our girls to stay overnight.
-getting their pajamas and clothes for the next day.
-taking them all over to Beth's parents.
-checking that they had diapers and wipes.
-making sure that they had food for breakfast.

There's probably more in there, but those are a few.  My point is: it takes work.  We know so many couples that opt to not do the work.

But when Beth and I were able to wake up after sleeping in and then go out to a great place for a breakfast anniversary date, it was all worth it.

The principle we've gained is: the things that are most valuable in life require work.

Give the gift of words in your bedroom

We're constantly telling our kids to "use your words"  and "tell us what you want" instead of trying to imply their wants through whining, crying, or pouting.

The same is true for adults in the bedroom.

How many times have you thought things like this:

I love when she does that.  I wish she would do it again.
I wish she would wear something different when we make love.
I wish he would start touching there instead of there.
I love that!  Oh, don't stop.  Why did she stop?
I love his cologne.  Why doesn't he wear it when we have sex?

We think so many things, but like our kids, we hope our spouse will just 'get it.'  Try to give your spouse the gift of words: Tell her, tell him what you'd really like.

You might be wondering: how is that a gift when I'm asking for something I want for me?

This is how love works: when we know how to bring satisfaction and pleasure to someone, we love to do it.  The frustration comes when we're trying to give love but it doesn't seem to be working.

So, share what you want and, this is crucial, explain what it provides for you.  Tell how what you're asking for would make you feel or how it would motivate you.

For example: When you wear lingerie it makes me feel like a man and that you desire me.
   or    When you light candles it makes me feel more romantic and less inhibited.

This is a gift that you give to the both of you.  Give it a try.

How to keep your woman's heart in your court

Guys, want to keep your woman wanting to impress you?  Do you want to keep her from looking to other guys for what she wants?  Check out this short 2 minute video:

I (name) take you (name) for the most part...as long as you're not crabby

Imagine if these were the vows you took on your wedding day:

I, (name), take you (name), for the most part, to be my (wife/husband/roommate/theguywhotakesouthtegarbage/theladythatcooksdinner), 

to have and to hold, when I feel like it, from this day forward, but a lot fewer days as the years drag on, 

for better or for worse, but don't expect much during the 'worse' part, 

for richer, though we're not going to have a lot of talk time because I'll be working so much to make us rich, for poorer, but don't expect sex while we're poorer, 

in sickness and in health, as long as you're not crabby, 

to love, or like-isn't that enough?, 

and to cherish (your paycheck); 

from this day forward until death do us part; Oh, God, let it come soon because I'm going to get tired of this guy/girl.

Hopefully, that is as laughable to read as it was for me to write.  No one vows that.  Who the heck is longing for a lukewarm marriage?  

No one, right?

But are the seeds of lukewarm already planted or even growing in your marriage?  

What will you do today to change the direction your marriage is heading?

I know.  I don't know your marriage, the struggles you have, your spouse who won't do anything to help, or the hurts you've experienced.  You're right.

But I do know that at one point in your life, you dreamed about a life-giving love, and I want to encourage you to not let that dream slip away.  Maybe it already has.  But is there something, by the grace of God, that you can do to chase that dream again?  

7 things that a 'welcome home' kiss says to a man

In 1913 Blanch Ebbutt published her book Don'ts For Wives.  In it she remarks, "Don't omit the kiss
of greeting.  It cheers a man when he is tired to feel his wife is glad to see him home."

This may not seem like proverbial rocket science, but I can tell you from experience, that split second kiss can make allllll the difference.

Now, truth be told, it can't be the hard-lipped peck, but nor does it have to be a lengthy french kiss (though I wouldn't turn that one down!).  It just has to be soft, like you're melting into me, even if for just a second.

That kiss:
1. transports me from work, where I must perform, to home, where I can find peace
2. communicates that a woman, my woman, loves me.
3. switches me from worker bee mode, to lover, husband, dad mode
4. fuels my masculinity and builds testosterone
5. injects me with shots of confidence
6. makes bothersome troubles that plague my mind seem a lot less important.
7. tells me, "You are desirable."