But it does have it's own life, doesn't it? And like life, it has seasons. I'm tempted to use the cliche phrase "ups and downs," but season seems to reflect it better.
For us there was that initial 'Woohoo'! easy passion and exploration that came with the budding of our marriage. Then there was the difficult season when life stabilized into normality and the real world challenges of making a living, cleaning an apartment, and paying bills was mirrored by the real world challenges of finding out that we didn't always know what the other wanted in bed. Physical pain and differing levels of desire easily shattered the rose-colored glasses of our youth.
Then there were books, conferences, and divinely orchestrated conversations that sparked changes in our sex life, usually beginning with really tough, but honest dialogue between Beth and me.
These were those hidden gates that led us deeper into a love life we never imagined. Long ago, when we were engaged, I read a book by a man named Charlie Shedd about marriage. The book consisted of letters he wrote to his engaged son. I remember being a bit confused by a chapter called "Sex...the 20 year roundup." In this chapter he related to process of his love life with his wife to learning to play the violin. When you first pick it up and play it's so fun because you've never done so before. But soon, exploration leads to frustration as you realize that you cannot get better easily. In fact, you will need help and teaching. But years later, you will realize how easily it flows in your hand, so easily that you can barely remember how clunky and awkward it once was.
For Charlie Shedd, he and his wife discovered that they were having the best sex of their lives after 20 years of marriage.
So, when you consider the season that your love life is, step back and see the big picture. Choose to press into your spouse's heart and body and choose to look forward together, seeking help wherever you can.
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