It shouldn't matter how I look...or is it a gift to give?

"My mother made herself attractive until the day she died at 90.  And I'm not talking about inner beauty.

She made herself physically beautiful each and every day for my father and he appreciated it."

This is what I heard a man say the other day.  The words that struck me were "for my father."

In all the all arguments about "looks shouldn't matter," we miss the reality: your appearance is a way to express love.  We tend to think love is primarily expressed through physical touch and romantic words, but there are many other ways.  For example, many men express their undying devotion to their wives by getting up and going to work each day.  It is not just a necessity of life to them.  It is a way to say, "Baby, I'm going to take care of you."

In the same way, working at your appearance is a gift of love.  This does apply for men to women, but the way that God made us is that it is particularly meaningful for women to give this gift to men.  Men are strongly wired to appreciate physical beauty.  So, when a man's wife puts effort into how she looks, even when they're just home together, it is a way of saying to him, "Honey, I want to bless you and let you know how desirable you are, so I love to make myself pretty for you."

It took Beth and I many years before we worked up the courage to tell each other what we liked from each other regarding dress, hair, and other appearance things.  It did feel threatening initially because we both had to do some changing.  Yet, now it's innate and I naturally wear things she likes and Beth often asks me which outfit I would like to see her in or if I like her hair a certain way.

So, consider if making the sacrifice of time and effort to look good is not just a sacrifice, but a means of expressing again the huge reality of your love for the person who has devoted their life to you.