Are you putting too much pressure on your spouse? Wisdom from Romeo & Juliet

If you answer "yes" to several of the following questions, you might be putting unrealistic pressure on your spouse.

Do you expect him/her to be with you almost all the time?

Are you crushed when he/she fails you? 

Do you expect him/her to always listen?

Do you assume he/she will make you happy (or should)?

Do you regularly expect your spouse to come to your aid?

Do you expect him/her to make your life worth living?

Do you rely on him/her to make you feel good about yourself?

Do you see your spouse as having the job of bringing you peace?

In my daytime life, when I'm not filming weddings, I am an English teacher.  Each year I love, love, love teaching Romeo & Juliet.  I have a passion for Shakespeare's plays.  I try to read one or two new ones each year in my attempt at reading all of his shows.

I think there's something to learn about marriage from these two teens, but it may not be what you'd expect.

Romeo and Juliet is often talked about as if it were a portrayal of the most beautiful relationship.  I think that's silly and I don't think Shakespeare intended that either.  He presented a really foolish, impulsive couple that makes bad choices.  They are juxtaposed by their families, though, who hate each other for no good reason.  In a sense the play says, "Yeah, these two teens are dopey, but even they understood love better than these adults who should be a lot smarter!"

Anyway, the biggest error I see in these two lovers' relationship is one that is easy to fall into no matter what the stage of your relationship. 

They think the other person is god.

In the famous balcony scene, Juliet asks Romeo to swear to the truthfulness of his love.  He begins by swearing "by the moon."  She doesn't like that because the moon changes.  So, he tries to swear by something else.  Juliet stops him and says:

"Well, do not swear at all.  But if thou wilt, swear by thy gracious self, which is the god of my idolatry."

You see, here's what we expect of God.  We expect that he'll

-be with us always

-never fail us

-always listen

-make us happy

-do whatever we ask

-always come to our aid

-make our life worth living.

-make us feel good about ourselves.

-give us peace.

Appropriate for God, but not for a husband or wife.

These are not practical expectations for another human.  Sometimes we do this because we adore the other.  Sometimes we have these assumptions because we think that's what a spouse is supposed to do.

They all lead to dissolution and disappointment.

Let your lover off the god-hook.  Let them be a human.  Let God be God.

Romeo and Juliet made each other gods.  And when their god was gone, they had nothing left for which to live.

But if your wife or husband can be a fellow, faulty traveler on this journey called life, then you can appreciate the blessings they bring to you and forgive the faults when they get you wrong.

God can take care of the rest.