Stop Waiting to "Want It"

For those of you joining us for the first time, we are discussing key ideas about intimacy discussed in the book the Queen's Code by Alison Armstrong.

Are you ready?  Ok, here we go!  :)  (I love that we're doing this together!!)

“Having sex when both of you want to is almost always insufficient, even when you are not trying to

create a new life. Most couples need to have sex more often than that.”

Ok, let's break this apart:  So what Alison seems to be saying is that having sex whenever we are in the mood is not enough.  In this chapter, they were talking about a couple trying to get pregnant.  They were only being intimate when she was ovulating and this was a source of conflict for them.  Whether trying to have a baby or not, sex needs to be more frequent than just that one time each month or when the mood strikes (Seriously, how often does your mood strike at the same time as your husband's, especially if you have kids?!). We need to be intimate way more often than that.  

I recall hearing from Alison when we heard her speak at a conference in LA this past summer,  that a woman is really "in the mood" for only about 30 hrs once a month!! Did you catch that?  That's ONLY 30 hours in a month’s time!  The window is very small for us, as women, for desiring sex!  Alison shared that this time period is our "fertile window".  Doesn't that seem kinda crazy?!  This, of course, is a generality for women, but does that seem about right?  I mean when is sex really on OUR radar?  And, as women, when are WE really interested?  We know it's almost ALWAYS on our men's radar, because....well....that's just how they are wired!  Lol!  

But there’s a catch: I also read that the more often we're intimate, the more we desire sex.  The opposite is also true - the less frequent we're intimate with our spouse, the less we desire it.  Interesting right!

So, maybe the focus today or this coming week needs to be on your own desire for intimacy?  Do you think you have a need for sex?  As women, most of us need to be connected emotionally with our spouse before we can connect physically.  But we also have a need to be touched, for affection...etc.  The greater difficulty lies I think in not communicating what we need in sex to make it more enjoyable, for us to truly be “present” more.

I would love to hear your thoughts if you're willing to share.

Thanks again so much for being a part of this conversation!  I love doing this with you! :)