Intimacy needs friends

The other night, we got together with a sweet couple.  They really are wonderful together - two different people, but super compatible. We loved being with them.

As we ate, we enjoyed the art of adult conversation! No interruptions by little people, no bibs, throwing food, picking up sippy cups off the floor for the umpteenth time...etc.

So, we chatted about the the things that have helped us in our marriages, and things that are presently just challenging.

Challenging?!

Hmmmmmm....it usually isn't rocket science, is it?!

Intimacy!  Of course!  lol!

With or without little ones, to get time to be together, then as a woman, we need time to connect emotionally usually, in order to actually be fully present to engage with our men!  

Yikes, that's a tall order!  

But, what Kurt and I loved was that they were both so willing to be transparent & dialogue with us.  It was refreshing!  

Intimacy is one of those things, that you need people on your side to encourage you to keep taking the next steps, whatever that may be.  You need people to acutally feel safe enough to talk about such things, and people that you feel would give you good advice because they know you and your spouse well enough.

If you have someone like that in your life, your life is so rich.

If you don't have someone, seek out those people.  

The bottom line is:  intimacy is amazingly wonderful and incredibly challenging, all at the same time.  Having people to go to be on your side in it, eases the journey and helps you realize you're more normal than you think!  :)

Bradly & Lauren's Wedding Film!

Beth and I simply loved getting to know Bradly and Lauren.  They just, well, enjoyed each other!  And you can see it and feel it.  It was a pleasure to be a part of their big day.  When we had them over our house before the wedding to talk about their film it was fun to hear them share how much they love to just be together and talk and talk.

One of our favorite moments was catching Lauren's sister Melissa's face as she looked over at Brad's beaming face as he watched his bride walk down the aisle.  Another one of our favorite moments was when Lauren's dad danced with his daughter.  They started out doing the traditional slow dance and then, without notice, broke into a full-out rockin' boogie!

Congratulations again, Bradly and Lauren!


Bradly & Lauren's Wedding Highlight from For Real Wedding Films on Vimeo.

To see Bradly & Lauren's full wedding film click here.

Here are the delightful vendors we had the privilege to work with:
Photography Partners: Imagine It Photography
Flowers by Allison Swank of Swank Florals
DJ: Gary Perl's Rock On DJ Service

Why are you always unhappy?

Could this be why some of us are perpetually unhappy?

I will never shave my legs again & 6 other unnatural things

"I will never shave my legs again," says Suzannah Weiss in her article on Yahoo.

Her reason: It's not natural and it's only purpose is to please men.

Has she ever considered what else is not natural?
It's not natural to:
be monogamous
smell nice
be tender while making love
take care of your spouse when he/she is sick
take regular showers
dress up

None of these things happen in nature, but thank God that many humans rise above nature and choose to love and be considerate by...doing unnatural things for the sake of pleasing others.

What about the charge that shaving legs is a waste of time because its purpose is just to please men?  The implication is that: men don't shave their legs!  Why should I?  In other words, men don't make uncomfortable sacrifices-so this is unfair.

Men and women are attracted to different things.  Men are very visual in their attractions.  Women are not AS visually driven.  A common attraction for women, though, is a man who is strong (whether physical, mental, or emotional) and who wants to provide and care for a woman.

I'm sure a lot of men would rather sit around with a beer and a football or video game for the majority of their time (and some men do!), but mature men choose to do something that will make them more attractive: grow up, get a job, and be responsible.

Suzannah Weiss is not my target here.  It's an attitude that we are fighting each other as sexes and as spouses.  Instead of resenting our sacrifices for each other, it's good to take a few moments and realize what sacrifices our spouses make for us day in and day out.  Let's not take them for granted.  Take the opportunity to say thank you today to your spouse for all those unnatural sacrifices they make each day, even down to the 'little things' of leg shaving.

Mar-a-Lago Turkey Burgers!

As we gear up again for our wonderful Once-A-Month-Cooking Extravaganza, one thing we make every single month is what we affectionately call: our beloved Mar-a-Lago Turkey Burgers.  

Healthy and Yummy Turkey Burgers!

A video posted by Kurt & Beth (@forrealweddingfilms) on Aug 4, 2015 at 3:41am PDT

They come from a delightful book called Bread & Wine byShauna Niequist. The background story on these little guys is that when Oprah visited Donald Trump at his  famous Palm Beach house, these were served.  She loved them so much she asked for the recipe because they were the best turkey burgers she'd ever eaten!

So, these are clearly not your run-of-the-mill, boring, dry turkey burgers.  

Oh, no!

These are moist, yummy, and delightful little boogers - opps, I meant burgers!  :)

(Did I seriously just write boogers!) lol!

So, we just had to share them with you.  They are so easy to make, freeze and have ready at a moment's notice (ok, a couple hours to thaw).

But seriously, they are delish!  I think it's the sweet mango chutney and crunchy Granny Smith apples that gives them the extra bang!

Everyone here enjoys them and often Kurt and I enjoy them as extra protein chopped up on a bed of greens.  

Here's a fun little video we thought you might enjoy!

So, here's the recipe:  

1/4c. scallions, thinly sliced

1/2c. celery, finely chopped

3 Granny Smith apples, peeled and diced

Olive Oil

4 lbs. ground turkey breast

1 T salt

1 T black pepper

2 t. Tabasco

Juice of 1 lemon

1/2 bunch parsley, finely chopped

1/4 c. mango chutney ( I buy Major Grays at Heinen's)

Sauté the scallions, celery, and apples in the olive oil until tender.  Let cool.

Place the ground turkey in a large mixing bowl.  Add sautéed items and the remaining ingredients. Shape into 12 burgers.  (Or we make smaller ones, like slider size, so it makes more!  Usually 16-20)  Refrigerate for 2 hours before making, or throw into the freezer and bag later to have when you want them.  We often double the recipe, so they last hopefully all month long!  

Enjoy!

Relationship Advice from 1938 - Part 2

This 1938 suggestion is pretty funny.  Oh, how times have changed.  What dating couple does not

express familiarity in public these days?  And, for certain, most of us don't consider "any open show of affection" as "bad taste" (within reason).

What's funny is that, though, we expect it from dating couples, many of us drop this open affection after being married for a while.

Why does this happen?

Our experience with couples shows us that it often is a difference in love languages.  Often one spouse feels and gives love physically naturally.  The other spouse often expresses and receives love in another way.

The trouble is this: the non-affectionate spouse WAS affectionate while dating and even early on in marriage.

Two suggestions:
1. The spouse who feels loved by physical touch in public (and at home) needs to express to the other what this provides for them.

This is not nagging.  This is explaining how receiving touch makes you feel emotionally as well as how it makes you respond, then, to your spouse.  Since they don't feel this way naturally, you have to explain how it makes you feel.

2. The other spouse needs to learn a foreign language.
We each speak different languages in love.  To one person hand-holding is like saying "I love you."  To another if you don't actually say "I love you" hand-holding doesn't rate.  One person's love language is physical touch.  The other's is words of affirmation.  There are many forms of love languages.

The point is, that if you're the spouse who doesn't naturally speak physical affection, you'll need to do what people do when they learn a foreign language: learn how it works and practice speaking it, even when it feels awkward to you.

The goal, of course, is that if you want your spouse to understand your love, then you've got to learn to speak his or her language.

Want more?

On The Generous Husband blog, the author was setting out a challenge to married couples to make love each day for a week.  I'm not proposing the challenge here (though, if you're game-go for it!), but I thought he had some insightful points for husbands in particular about what it takes to make the marital bed work.

So as not to waste the title (A week of sex), let’s discuss sex challenges. 

I’ve seen various pastors and bloggers suggest a week of sex, or a month of sex, or 40 days of sex. I’ve also read accounts of people doing such challenges.

What would it take for you to have sex every day for a week? How about every day for a month?

If you’re thinking “My wife saying yes” may I suggest there’s more to it?

What does sex every day look like? Is it her laying there till you’re done, or is it both of you enjoying the sex? The first is easy if your wife is willing, but it’s no fun for either of you. (If it does sounds like fun to you, please get help!)

Sex should be more than thrust, thrust, grunt, roll over and go to sleep. It should be far more. Having good sex takes a lot. It requires you have a solid relationship with your wife outside the bedroom. It means you have intimacy in all kinds of ways. It means you share your lives in deep and meaningful ways, and it means you know each other well. 

If you don’t have this kind of relationship, you don’t have the foundation necessary for having sex most days. Without the kind of relationship I describe above, near daily sex is just a mechanical thing for your physical urges, and it falls way short of what God intended and your wife needs. It’s selfish and hollow, not loving and intimate.

If you want more frequent sex, are you willing to do what it takes? Are you willing to build a deep intimate life with your wife? Are you willing to have her in your entire life, or do you just want her in your bed?

Many men say they want more sex; few are willing to do what it takes. I’m not saying put up or shut up…

…wait, I am saying that!