The Queen's Code: What does intimacy provide?

For those of you joining us for the first time, we are discussing key ideas about intimacy discussed in the book the Queen's Code by Alison Armstrong.

Are you ready?  Ok, here we go!  :)  (I love that we're doing this together!!). Here's the next quote from Ch. 5 which I thought was super insightful!  

(Just to set the scene, Mike, a married 30-something, is talking to Claudia, a friend who is the mentor role in this situation)

“You’re saying providing is supposed to cause sex, right?” He

immediately revised himself, “Well, maybe not ‘supposed to,’ but I think you’re saying that it would work better if sex was based on ‘providing,’ which is a kind of commitment to your partner, instead of physically ‘wanting.’ Am I right?”

Claudia smiled at Mike. “You are absolutely right. When you have sex based upon what it will provide for your partner, your attention is now on the benefit to your partner and your union instead of on something as unreliable as physical impulse.”

Woah!  What does sex provide?  What an interesting and thought-provoking question!  So, let's try to figure this out.  Alison Armstrong seems to suggest that if we as couples figure out what intimacy provides for our spouse then we will more readily want to pursue intimacy (even when we don't feel like it) because we know what it actually provides for our men.

Ok, a bit more from Alison:

“If you are going to have providing be the source of your sex life, it is critical to know what sex provides for your partner. This is the first item of information that every couple must share with each other if they are going to have a delicious sexual partnership.”

So, how do you figure this out?  Sounds like a wonderful and potentially awkward conversation....but yet a super insightful and deeper conversation with the one you love.  So, in other words:  ask!  There's really no other way to do it, well...unless you ask in written form!  Lol!  (Which could work...if direct conversation is a bit too risky or uncomfortable). Again, it's worth the risk - so go for it and be enlightened!  I think you'll be glad you did!  :)