3 Adventure Movies with passion

Like every boy growing up I loved adventure movies.

Indiana Jones

Romancing the Stone

Crocodile Dundee

These are just a few films that graced the VHS player in our family living room in the 1980's.  Besides beating up Nazis and wrestling crocodiles the next best part of imagining being the hero was rescuing the pretty girl.  Before I was old enough to like real, live girls, I knew I wanted to rescue them.

I love the image of the ruddy, muscular hero, cradling the frightened girl in his left arm, while holding a vine (or some other escape route) in the other.  Noticeably, neither the guy nor damsel in distress looked at each other; their eyes were ahead of themselves-on the mission ahead.

While I love looking in my girl's eyes, I also love the fact that we look forward together with a shared sense of mission.  Beth and I share a heart to encourage relationships and to help people connect with God in a real way.  So much of what we do with our lives and our parenting has to do with these shared visions.

Certainly, we have separate passions too.  But even that is shared because we are both committed to encouraging each other's passions.

All of these things give us a bigger picture in life and help us see our marriage in the context of a desire to "change the world."

Do you and your spouse have a shared passion?  Have you talked about it?  Is there a way to get your hearts behind it intentionally?

Maybe you don't share the same vision, but can you together work to help each other pursue your individual passions?

The first step for each of these is simply to talk: Ask your spouse, "What are you passionate about?"  and don't criticize it.  Then ask, "What can I do to support you in it?"

Then go out there and beat up those Nazis and wrestle some crocodiles!  G'day, mate!

Which came first? The Bedroom or the Breakfast?

So, it's Saturday morning and we're hungry!  :) (this is a typical morning)

This Saturday morning, we are without our five lovely little ones!  (not a typical morning!)

There's so much we could do:  go for a morning walk, have sex!!, clean the attic - boo!, what I really would like to do is to take Kurt out for breakfast.

Now if you asked him, he probably would pass on the breakfast and walk (and the attic, of course!).  Which leave that other little choice ;)

So, why are still going to breakfast?!  Ok, so there's this super cute breakfast place I've been wanting to take him to.  It's called Flap Jacks.  I've been twice before, but never with him.  And when do we ever get to go out for breakfast just by ourselves?!

Here's the heart of it:
When it comes to intimacy, men want sex to get connected.  Huh?!

But, as women, we want connection, and then we're able to pursue sex!

Thankfully, my man has learned this one.  He knows I need to connect with him first (and experience an amazing culinary delight). I want to talk about what's going on with him at a heart level.  I want to share what's going on with me.  I want to talk about stuff that always gets cut off short by little ones interrupting every other minute!  lol!

So...off we go to Flap Jacks!

Give a toast to your bride over and over again

Naturally, when we film weddings we expect best man and maid of honor toasts.  But at our most recent wedding the groom actually gave his own toast to his bride.  It was so fun and so sweet that someone remarked, "I want to marry him!"  :)

It reminds me just how easy it is to forget, now that we're married, to express our affection for each other in public.  Just yesterday, while chatting with our doctor at an appointment, I thought about this.  I made a point to praise Beth in that conversation.  Beth wasn't even there, but talking highly of her blessed my heart for her just a little bit more.  Good stuff!

    See more photos by our friends at Imagine It Photography

Arguments and feeling worthless

So, I pull up to a bank with three of our kids in the back seat.

I get out, lock the car, and walk to the ATM.  It is barely a few feet away from the car and I can see it

perfectly.  I realize when I enter that I have left my bank card at home.

Having been in the ATM lobby less than 45 seconds, I turn around to go back to the car and hold the door open for a woman.

She then proceeds criticize me for leaving my kids in the car.

As I'm driving away I'm thinking of all these arguments I could have had from "I was only in the bank for 45 seconds!" to "Who do you think you are, telling me what to do?"

Despite feeling justified in my choice, I begin to feel that creeping sense of worthlessness that I often experience when criticized.  My thoughts then go hunting for a source of worth-building material.  I consider what a good parent I am, how my marriage is something I feel proud of, how our videography business has grown, the positive impact we have on others, and on and on trying to shoo away one stranger's criticism.

But then I realize, this 'Kurt's movie credits' list is only partially helpful.  And when it comes to worth, partial help leaves you feeling restless.

Finally, I turned to the words of an ancient poet that I memorized many years ago just for these very moments.

"My soul finds rest in God alone."
(Psalm 62)

So, I turned to the center and rested there.

Crabbypants and making up

So, I was in a major funk!  Tired, stressed, overwhelmed with my insane "to-do" list - you get the

picture!  In our home, we affectionately call this "Mrs. Crabbypants".  So, as I marched around with my not so cute pants on, guess who I took it out on?!

No, we don't have a dog! ( all of our girls wished we did!)  lol!

Instead, my man received the full vomit of my state of being.  

Yikes!  

It was not pretty!

But I got it and well...I felt a little better.  but I decided what I most needed was a little space and some rest.

So, I took a nap.  

WOW!  That really helped.  But what was interesting, was I soon found out that the crabby pants had switched people.  My man was super frustrated and as we sat down to chat, he vented.  

He was super frustrated with none other than yours truly!

Me?  How could that be?

So, as we continued to chat, I realized a couple of things: one, I saw my high expectations show it's ugly head...again; two, I realized that I hadn't communicated clearly before to my man, so he thought I was disappointed in him, our summer, what we had accomplished ( or not!) .etc. and I clearly wasn't, so it meant that I needed to clarify more clearly; three, it made me super thankful for my man who is willing to be crazy real and go there with me.

Whew...

So, how did it all end?

After a few tears ( it's what we do as women!) and more conversation, we asked each other what we needed from each other.  (this has become our favorite question lately!)  

I shared that I needed time and space to work on some of the things I had struggled to write down on my "to do" list. Kurt happily said he would watch the kiddos the rest of the day, so I could get that.

Sigh!

A couple hours later, I was in a much better place emotionally, mentally, physically..etc.

So, yes it was a super hard couple of hours for me and well....us!  But, it's in those harder moments, that we have the potential to open up, share the junk and be safe with the one who cherishes us.  Yet, it's risky and often I want to put up those walls, pull away, be independent, instead of letting my sweet man in.

Ugh.

Still so much growth that has to happen.

But at the end of the day, Kurt and I were more connected and those crabbypants were no where to find!

Somewhere we had read that "make-up intimacy" is pretty sweet, so we thought it was just the perfect time to see how true that was?  

And well.... it most definitely was!!!  ;)

Our first Greek wedding!

Last weekend we filmed our first Greek wedding!  It was fascinating!  The service at St. Demetrios included the wearing of crowns, the bride's godmother placing the rings on Maria and Bobby, a chanter, and the priest leading the couple around a table with almonds!

In the morning we had the chance to see Maria and her bridesmaids getting ready at the salon, Fringe and Foundation, in Westlake.  Here's a little video we shot on our iPhone at the salon, capped off with a quick shot of the Maria and Bobby after they tied the knot.

Enjoy!

Loving this day with Maria & Bobby! #jaruswedding2015 #forrealweddingfilms #CLEvideography

A video posted by Kurt & Beth (@forrealweddingfilms) on Aug 15, 2015 at 3:02pm PDT

The more men I meet, the more I love my dog

The other day, I saw a bumper sticker that read:

The more men I meet

The more I love my dog

It's a chuckler, but then it just makes you sad.

You know what the appeal of a dog is?  Simplicity.

Men are not simple.  Women are not simple.

We are whole histories, DNAs, family-backgrounds, habits, senses of humor, moods, needs, hopes, desires, passions, annoyances, quirks, weaknesses, and glories.

If you are married, step back for a moment and take in the immense privilege it is to share in one person's whole world.

Privileges are not always easy or simple, but we consider them an honor because of the immense value of the work.

The privilege of blessing one other person's universe is, from an earth-perspective, taxing, but from the heavenly perspective, a glory to which few other life experiences can compare.

Let's all of us try to remind ourselves of that glory.

Or I guess you can get a dog.

A website is coming...for real!!!

Some of you know that we have been on this journey of developing a wedding videography business for a few years, but alas, minus a good website.

Well, the wait is nearly over!  (You were all waiting, right?).  Next weekend we will officially announce our new site and hope you will all come check it out!  There will be promotions, fireworks, candy bags, Presidential visits, creepy carnival rides...ok, but there will be promotions!  Especially for you or your friends who may be looking for a downright awesome wedding film!

Stay tuned!

In the meantime, enjoy our new logo!
Kurt and Beth

A couple who almost lost each other...almost

This morning, I awoke before the alarm!  That's a major miracle right there!  And as I tiptoed out of the bedroom, I sat down to read something just for fun.  Little did I know how I would be captivated by this couple's story.

Every morning, we get a blog feed of the Generous Wife and the Generous Husband.  Kurt reads his more often than I do, for which I am ever grateful.  I, however, read them a bit more sporadically.  (poor Kurt! Actually, he doesn't need it as much as I do! I think I married part saint!)  However, this morning, I ended up following a link on the post and ended up on this website called Refineus.org

WOW!

The video I watched was the story of this couple who almost lost each other due to marital unfaithfulness and shame.

But, the sweet part was in the words.....almost.

Yes, it was very close, but.....

Hope was found.

Grace & forgiveness were bestowed.

Love was restored.

A new beginning...

I admit, I cried and woke my man up and told him all about the video.  Looking back, I'm not sure if that was really how he wanted to be woken up, but he kindly listened!  But I was also reminded of how much I love my man.  And how at the end of the day, our relationship is what really matters.  

If you could use some encouragement, take a couple of minutes and enjoy this video.  I think it's worth the watch.  

Our Story from RefineUs Ministries on Vimeo.

What it takes to change a marriage

Not long ago, we were encouraging a couple to work through some issues in their marriage.  In the next few days, they did just that.  And it was...painful.

Consider the sheer weight of a locomotive and its train.

How does this incredible load move?  Power, of course.  But that's not all.  It takes...sand.  

Locomotives from the days of steam to modern diesels have sent those little rock particles known as sand down to the rails to help the locomotive's wheels find a source of traction.  There, as that grit is crushed and broken beneath the drive wheels, a massive train can finally build up the momentum it needs to head towards its destination.

When an issue in a relationship has been at a standstill, it wants to stay there.  It takes incredible will power for a couple to try to move out of that stationary spot.  

To make things worse, once they exert that will to change, they will need traction.  That will mean doing some crushing and breaking of sand under the wheels.  It will take breaking silence, crushing some selfish expecations, and going willingly into difficult conversations.  

What you will find, though, just as the couple I mentioned in the opening, is that if you work through that breaking period, you will find the momentum that you need for the long haul.  They have, and are finally seeing some movement where there had previously been little and it is opening up new tracks ahead of them.

Asking vs. Withdrawing...the great debate

I (Beth) have talked before about how to ask for what you need from a man, by simplying using words like, "Babe, can you please help me with this?"  But what about when it's another woman?  How as woman do we best respond well to each other when there's conflict?

My preferred method of choice:  withdrawal.

Healthy?...not so much.

I'm learning.  I have so much to learn.  

So, here we come with more Alison Armstrong insights.  So, she recommends asking for what you need.  And then asking the other person what they need in order to give you what you need.  I know that sounds a little confusing, so I'll try with a little sample:  

So, Mom, I need you to encourage me and offer ideas, instead of criticzing the things I value & how I spend my time.  When you do this, I feel very discouraged and withdraw from you.  I really don't want to do that.

What do you need to give me what I'm asking for?  (She might say, that she needs more information or extra time to process it out with you...etc.)  

The whole idea is to communicate what you really need and not be afraid of the possible confrontation.  And also to do it in a way that truly respects and honors the other person.  

Here's to giving healthy communication a try!

If you could re-do your marriage, what would you change? Wisdom after losing a spouse

If you could re-do your marriage, what would you change?  My friend Lisa has had the chance to not only answer the question, but make the answers a reality.  Widowed at a young age, her experience of loss has given her a tremendous amount of wisdom that has made her second marriage so different from her first.  

Lisa and I went to college together at Baldwin-Wallace back in the '90s.  I'm really excited for her first guest post here! 

For the record my first marriage lasted just shy of four years.  Although my first husband was much older than I, it was still quite a shock when he passed away suddenly.  I had experienced the death of older family members growing up, but I had never experienced the death of someone so close, someone that I loved.  Even though I loved my first husband, our marriage, even in its short span, was not in any way ideal.  There were problems and hurts and many things that in retrospect I wish I could have done differently.

Enter Tom.  He had been patiently and carefully waiting for a wife for decades.  God brought us   I was thrilled at what I viewed as a second chance for my dreams of marriage and a family, a dream that I believed had died along with my first husband.  I was determined to do things differently this time around.

together after He brought me through the grieving process and straightened me out a bit.

So, what did I learn from my experience?

1) Gratitude

I am so thankful to God for Tom, and I'm not afraid to tell Tom that to his face frequently.  It's not just about being grateful for the things he does, although I am thankful for that as well.  But it's being grateful for the person he is, the husband, the friend, the lover, the father.  It's being grateful for him choosing to share his entire life and person with the likes of me.  And when it comes to some of the annoyances of sharing space with another person--I am talking about things like snoring, leaving the toilet seat up, putting things away in the wrong place, etc.--all I have to do is take a moment to imagine what life would be without them.  Trust me, if you haven't lost anyone close to you, it is the little things like this that you would give anything to experience just one more time if it meant that they were still alive.  When I remember this, the annoying things aren't so annoying anymore.

2)  Humility

I suffered from a gross sense of self-importance in my first marriage, and it led to a lot of unnecessary heartache.  I am well aware now that I have a lot to learn, that I am very much in need of the grace of God, and that I don't deserve such a wonderful man as my husband.  Humility, while not easy to learn, has some great benefits.  I am much quicker than a I used to be at recognizing when I'm wrong and saying, "I'm sorry."  Humility has also given me the chance to learn a lot from my husband.  He is a great organizer and has many wonderful ideas about how to run the house, and I would miss out on knowing these if I insisted that I knew everything there was to know about such things and that everything must be done MY way.

3)  Never take one moment for granted

This is probably the biggest lesson I have learned from my experience.  I hope that Tom and I have many years together as husband and wife, but I know that neither of us is guaranteed any moment beyond the present one.  It is so easy to get caught up in the whirlwind of life and in the mundane things we have to do every day that it can be hard to stop and appreciate what is right in front of us.  There will always be an abundance of laundry, dishes, meetings, cleaning, and other work that needs to be done.  But my family may not always be there.  I see news stories every day that remind me of that possibility.  I have become more purposeful about letting my husband know every day how much I love him and what he means to me.  I will get in my husband's way as he is working in order to give him a hug and kiss and tell him that I love him.  I write him notes and cards and leave them where he can discover them.  I will not rush off to do the dishes or finish the laundry or work on a project when we have a moment to just cuddle and enjoy one another's company.  These are just a few examples of how I try to cherish the time that I have been given with my husband.

There are many other things that I think make my second marriage much richer, but on reflection I think those things can be traced back to one of these three areas.  I believe that anyone who practices these in their own marriage will also have a rich experience and enjoy many of the blessings that marriage has to offer.

Intimacy needs friends

The other night, we got together with a sweet couple.  They really are wonderful together - two different people, but super compatible. We loved being with them.

As we ate, we enjoyed the art of adult conversation! No interruptions by little people, no bibs, throwing food, picking up sippy cups off the floor for the umpteenth time...etc.

So, we chatted about the the things that have helped us in our marriages, and things that are presently just challenging.

Challenging?!

Hmmmmmm....it usually isn't rocket science, is it?!

Intimacy!  Of course!  lol!

With or without little ones, to get time to be together, then as a woman, we need time to connect emotionally usually, in order to actually be fully present to engage with our men!  

Yikes, that's a tall order!  

But, what Kurt and I loved was that they were both so willing to be transparent & dialogue with us.  It was refreshing!  

Intimacy is one of those things, that you need people on your side to encourage you to keep taking the next steps, whatever that may be.  You need people to acutally feel safe enough to talk about such things, and people that you feel would give you good advice because they know you and your spouse well enough.

If you have someone like that in your life, your life is so rich.

If you don't have someone, seek out those people.  

The bottom line is:  intimacy is amazingly wonderful and incredibly challenging, all at the same time.  Having people to go to be on your side in it, eases the journey and helps you realize you're more normal than you think!  :)

Bradly & Lauren's Wedding Film!

Beth and I simply loved getting to know Bradly and Lauren.  They just, well, enjoyed each other!  And you can see it and feel it.  It was a pleasure to be a part of their big day.  When we had them over our house before the wedding to talk about their film it was fun to hear them share how much they love to just be together and talk and talk.

One of our favorite moments was catching Lauren's sister Melissa's face as she looked over at Brad's beaming face as he watched his bride walk down the aisle.  Another one of our favorite moments was when Lauren's dad danced with his daughter.  They started out doing the traditional slow dance and then, without notice, broke into a full-out rockin' boogie!

Congratulations again, Bradly and Lauren!


Bradly & Lauren's Wedding Highlight from For Real Wedding Films on Vimeo.

To see Bradly & Lauren's full wedding film click here.

Here are the delightful vendors we had the privilege to work with:
Photography Partners: Imagine It Photography
Flowers by Allison Swank of Swank Florals
DJ: Gary Perl's Rock On DJ Service

Why are you always unhappy?

Could this be why some of us are perpetually unhappy?

I will never shave my legs again & 6 other unnatural things

"I will never shave my legs again," says Suzannah Weiss in her article on Yahoo.

Her reason: It's not natural and it's only purpose is to please men.

Has she ever considered what else is not natural?
It's not natural to:
be monogamous
smell nice
be tender while making love
take care of your spouse when he/she is sick
take regular showers
dress up

None of these things happen in nature, but thank God that many humans rise above nature and choose to love and be considerate by...doing unnatural things for the sake of pleasing others.

What about the charge that shaving legs is a waste of time because its purpose is just to please men?  The implication is that: men don't shave their legs!  Why should I?  In other words, men don't make uncomfortable sacrifices-so this is unfair.

Men and women are attracted to different things.  Men are very visual in their attractions.  Women are not AS visually driven.  A common attraction for women, though, is a man who is strong (whether physical, mental, or emotional) and who wants to provide and care for a woman.

I'm sure a lot of men would rather sit around with a beer and a football or video game for the majority of their time (and some men do!), but mature men choose to do something that will make them more attractive: grow up, get a job, and be responsible.

Suzannah Weiss is not my target here.  It's an attitude that we are fighting each other as sexes and as spouses.  Instead of resenting our sacrifices for each other, it's good to take a few moments and realize what sacrifices our spouses make for us day in and day out.  Let's not take them for granted.  Take the opportunity to say thank you today to your spouse for all those unnatural sacrifices they make each day, even down to the 'little things' of leg shaving.

Mar-a-Lago Turkey Burgers!

As we gear up again for our wonderful Once-A-Month-Cooking Extravaganza, one thing we make every single month is what we affectionately call: our beloved Mar-a-Lago Turkey Burgers.  

Healthy and Yummy Turkey Burgers!

A video posted by Kurt & Beth (@forrealweddingfilms) on Aug 4, 2015 at 3:41am PDT

They come from a delightful book called Bread & Wine byShauna Niequist. The background story on these little guys is that when Oprah visited Donald Trump at his  famous Palm Beach house, these were served.  She loved them so much she asked for the recipe because they were the best turkey burgers she'd ever eaten!

So, these are clearly not your run-of-the-mill, boring, dry turkey burgers.  

Oh, no!

These are moist, yummy, and delightful little boogers - opps, I meant burgers!  :)

(Did I seriously just write boogers!) lol!

So, we just had to share them with you.  They are so easy to make, freeze and have ready at a moment's notice (ok, a couple hours to thaw).

But seriously, they are delish!  I think it's the sweet mango chutney and crunchy Granny Smith apples that gives them the extra bang!

Everyone here enjoys them and often Kurt and I enjoy them as extra protein chopped up on a bed of greens.  

Here's a fun little video we thought you might enjoy!

So, here's the recipe:  

1/4c. scallions, thinly sliced

1/2c. celery, finely chopped

3 Granny Smith apples, peeled and diced

Olive Oil

4 lbs. ground turkey breast

1 T salt

1 T black pepper

2 t. Tabasco

Juice of 1 lemon

1/2 bunch parsley, finely chopped

1/4 c. mango chutney ( I buy Major Grays at Heinen's)

Sauté the scallions, celery, and apples in the olive oil until tender.  Let cool.

Place the ground turkey in a large mixing bowl.  Add sautéed items and the remaining ingredients. Shape into 12 burgers.  (Or we make smaller ones, like slider size, so it makes more!  Usually 16-20)  Refrigerate for 2 hours before making, or throw into the freezer and bag later to have when you want them.  We often double the recipe, so they last hopefully all month long!  

Enjoy!

Relationship Advice from 1938 - Part 2

This 1938 suggestion is pretty funny.  Oh, how times have changed.  What dating couple does not

express familiarity in public these days?  And, for certain, most of us don't consider "any open show of affection" as "bad taste" (within reason).

What's funny is that, though, we expect it from dating couples, many of us drop this open affection after being married for a while.

Why does this happen?

Our experience with couples shows us that it often is a difference in love languages.  Often one spouse feels and gives love physically naturally.  The other spouse often expresses and receives love in another way.

The trouble is this: the non-affectionate spouse WAS affectionate while dating and even early on in marriage.

Two suggestions:
1. The spouse who feels loved by physical touch in public (and at home) needs to express to the other what this provides for them.

This is not nagging.  This is explaining how receiving touch makes you feel emotionally as well as how it makes you respond, then, to your spouse.  Since they don't feel this way naturally, you have to explain how it makes you feel.

2. The other spouse needs to learn a foreign language.
We each speak different languages in love.  To one person hand-holding is like saying "I love you."  To another if you don't actually say "I love you" hand-holding doesn't rate.  One person's love language is physical touch.  The other's is words of affirmation.  There are many forms of love languages.

The point is, that if you're the spouse who doesn't naturally speak physical affection, you'll need to do what people do when they learn a foreign language: learn how it works and practice speaking it, even when it feels awkward to you.

The goal, of course, is that if you want your spouse to understand your love, then you've got to learn to speak his or her language.

Want more?

On The Generous Husband blog, the author was setting out a challenge to married couples to make love each day for a week.  I'm not proposing the challenge here (though, if you're game-go for it!), but I thought he had some insightful points for husbands in particular about what it takes to make the marital bed work.

So as not to waste the title (A week of sex), let’s discuss sex challenges. 

I’ve seen various pastors and bloggers suggest a week of sex, or a month of sex, or 40 days of sex. I’ve also read accounts of people doing such challenges.

What would it take for you to have sex every day for a week? How about every day for a month?

If you’re thinking “My wife saying yes” may I suggest there’s more to it?

What does sex every day look like? Is it her laying there till you’re done, or is it both of you enjoying the sex? The first is easy if your wife is willing, but it’s no fun for either of you. (If it does sounds like fun to you, please get help!)

Sex should be more than thrust, thrust, grunt, roll over and go to sleep. It should be far more. Having good sex takes a lot. It requires you have a solid relationship with your wife outside the bedroom. It means you have intimacy in all kinds of ways. It means you share your lives in deep and meaningful ways, and it means you know each other well. 

If you don’t have this kind of relationship, you don’t have the foundation necessary for having sex most days. Without the kind of relationship I describe above, near daily sex is just a mechanical thing for your physical urges, and it falls way short of what God intended and your wife needs. It’s selfish and hollow, not loving and intimate.

If you want more frequent sex, are you willing to do what it takes? Are you willing to build a deep intimate life with your wife? Are you willing to have her in your entire life, or do you just want her in your bed?

Many men say they want more sex; few are willing to do what it takes. I’m not saying put up or shut up…

…wait, I am saying that!