Our first Greek wedding!

Last weekend we filmed our first Greek wedding!  It was fascinating!  The service at St. Demetrios included the wearing of crowns, the bride's godmother placing the rings on Maria and Bobby, a chanter, and the priest leading the couple around a table with almonds!

In the morning we had the chance to see Maria and her bridesmaids getting ready at the salon, Fringe and Foundation, in Westlake.  Here's a little video we shot on our iPhone at the salon, capped off with a quick shot of the Maria and Bobby after they tied the knot.

Enjoy!

Loving this day with Maria & Bobby! #jaruswedding2015 #forrealweddingfilms #CLEvideography

A video posted by Kurt & Beth (@forrealweddingfilms) on Aug 15, 2015 at 3:02pm PDT

The more men I meet, the more I love my dog

The other day, I saw a bumper sticker that read:

The more men I meet

The more I love my dog

It's a chuckler, but then it just makes you sad.

You know what the appeal of a dog is?  Simplicity.

Men are not simple.  Women are not simple.

We are whole histories, DNAs, family-backgrounds, habits, senses of humor, moods, needs, hopes, desires, passions, annoyances, quirks, weaknesses, and glories.

If you are married, step back for a moment and take in the immense privilege it is to share in one person's whole world.

Privileges are not always easy or simple, but we consider them an honor because of the immense value of the work.

The privilege of blessing one other person's universe is, from an earth-perspective, taxing, but from the heavenly perspective, a glory to which few other life experiences can compare.

Let's all of us try to remind ourselves of that glory.

Or I guess you can get a dog.

A website is coming...for real!!!

Some of you know that we have been on this journey of developing a wedding videography business for a few years, but alas, minus a good website.

Well, the wait is nearly over!  (You were all waiting, right?).  Next weekend we will officially announce our new site and hope you will all come check it out!  There will be promotions, fireworks, candy bags, Presidential visits, creepy carnival rides...ok, but there will be promotions!  Especially for you or your friends who may be looking for a downright awesome wedding film!

Stay tuned!

In the meantime, enjoy our new logo!
Kurt and Beth

A couple who almost lost each other...almost

This morning, I awoke before the alarm!  That's a major miracle right there!  And as I tiptoed out of the bedroom, I sat down to read something just for fun.  Little did I know how I would be captivated by this couple's story.

Every morning, we get a blog feed of the Generous Wife and the Generous Husband.  Kurt reads his more often than I do, for which I am ever grateful.  I, however, read them a bit more sporadically.  (poor Kurt! Actually, he doesn't need it as much as I do! I think I married part saint!)  However, this morning, I ended up following a link on the post and ended up on this website called Refineus.org

WOW!

The video I watched was the story of this couple who almost lost each other due to marital unfaithfulness and shame.

But, the sweet part was in the words.....almost.

Yes, it was very close, but.....

Hope was found.

Grace & forgiveness were bestowed.

Love was restored.

A new beginning...

I admit, I cried and woke my man up and told him all about the video.  Looking back, I'm not sure if that was really how he wanted to be woken up, but he kindly listened!  But I was also reminded of how much I love my man.  And how at the end of the day, our relationship is what really matters.  

If you could use some encouragement, take a couple of minutes and enjoy this video.  I think it's worth the watch.  

Our Story from RefineUs Ministries on Vimeo.

What it takes to change a marriage

Not long ago, we were encouraging a couple to work through some issues in their marriage.  In the next few days, they did just that.  And it was...painful.

Consider the sheer weight of a locomotive and its train.

How does this incredible load move?  Power, of course.  But that's not all.  It takes...sand.  

Locomotives from the days of steam to modern diesels have sent those little rock particles known as sand down to the rails to help the locomotive's wheels find a source of traction.  There, as that grit is crushed and broken beneath the drive wheels, a massive train can finally build up the momentum it needs to head towards its destination.

When an issue in a relationship has been at a standstill, it wants to stay there.  It takes incredible will power for a couple to try to move out of that stationary spot.  

To make things worse, once they exert that will to change, they will need traction.  That will mean doing some crushing and breaking of sand under the wheels.  It will take breaking silence, crushing some selfish expecations, and going willingly into difficult conversations.  

What you will find, though, just as the couple I mentioned in the opening, is that if you work through that breaking period, you will find the momentum that you need for the long haul.  They have, and are finally seeing some movement where there had previously been little and it is opening up new tracks ahead of them.

Asking vs. Withdrawing...the great debate

I (Beth) have talked before about how to ask for what you need from a man, by simplying using words like, "Babe, can you please help me with this?"  But what about when it's another woman?  How as woman do we best respond well to each other when there's conflict?

My preferred method of choice:  withdrawal.

Healthy?...not so much.

I'm learning.  I have so much to learn.  

So, here we come with more Alison Armstrong insights.  So, she recommends asking for what you need.  And then asking the other person what they need in order to give you what you need.  I know that sounds a little confusing, so I'll try with a little sample:  

So, Mom, I need you to encourage me and offer ideas, instead of criticzing the things I value & how I spend my time.  When you do this, I feel very discouraged and withdraw from you.  I really don't want to do that.

What do you need to give me what I'm asking for?  (She might say, that she needs more information or extra time to process it out with you...etc.)  

The whole idea is to communicate what you really need and not be afraid of the possible confrontation.  And also to do it in a way that truly respects and honors the other person.  

Here's to giving healthy communication a try!

If you could re-do your marriage, what would you change? Wisdom after losing a spouse

If you could re-do your marriage, what would you change?  My friend Lisa has had the chance to not only answer the question, but make the answers a reality.  Widowed at a young age, her experience of loss has given her a tremendous amount of wisdom that has made her second marriage so different from her first.  

Lisa and I went to college together at Baldwin-Wallace back in the '90s.  I'm really excited for her first guest post here! 

For the record my first marriage lasted just shy of four years.  Although my first husband was much older than I, it was still quite a shock when he passed away suddenly.  I had experienced the death of older family members growing up, but I had never experienced the death of someone so close, someone that I loved.  Even though I loved my first husband, our marriage, even in its short span, was not in any way ideal.  There were problems and hurts and many things that in retrospect I wish I could have done differently.

Enter Tom.  He had been patiently and carefully waiting for a wife for decades.  God brought us   I was thrilled at what I viewed as a second chance for my dreams of marriage and a family, a dream that I believed had died along with my first husband.  I was determined to do things differently this time around.

together after He brought me through the grieving process and straightened me out a bit.

So, what did I learn from my experience?

1) Gratitude

I am so thankful to God for Tom, and I'm not afraid to tell Tom that to his face frequently.  It's not just about being grateful for the things he does, although I am thankful for that as well.  But it's being grateful for the person he is, the husband, the friend, the lover, the father.  It's being grateful for him choosing to share his entire life and person with the likes of me.  And when it comes to some of the annoyances of sharing space with another person--I am talking about things like snoring, leaving the toilet seat up, putting things away in the wrong place, etc.--all I have to do is take a moment to imagine what life would be without them.  Trust me, if you haven't lost anyone close to you, it is the little things like this that you would give anything to experience just one more time if it meant that they were still alive.  When I remember this, the annoying things aren't so annoying anymore.

2)  Humility

I suffered from a gross sense of self-importance in my first marriage, and it led to a lot of unnecessary heartache.  I am well aware now that I have a lot to learn, that I am very much in need of the grace of God, and that I don't deserve such a wonderful man as my husband.  Humility, while not easy to learn, has some great benefits.  I am much quicker than a I used to be at recognizing when I'm wrong and saying, "I'm sorry."  Humility has also given me the chance to learn a lot from my husband.  He is a great organizer and has many wonderful ideas about how to run the house, and I would miss out on knowing these if I insisted that I knew everything there was to know about such things and that everything must be done MY way.

3)  Never take one moment for granted

This is probably the biggest lesson I have learned from my experience.  I hope that Tom and I have many years together as husband and wife, but I know that neither of us is guaranteed any moment beyond the present one.  It is so easy to get caught up in the whirlwind of life and in the mundane things we have to do every day that it can be hard to stop and appreciate what is right in front of us.  There will always be an abundance of laundry, dishes, meetings, cleaning, and other work that needs to be done.  But my family may not always be there.  I see news stories every day that remind me of that possibility.  I have become more purposeful about letting my husband know every day how much I love him and what he means to me.  I will get in my husband's way as he is working in order to give him a hug and kiss and tell him that I love him.  I write him notes and cards and leave them where he can discover them.  I will not rush off to do the dishes or finish the laundry or work on a project when we have a moment to just cuddle and enjoy one another's company.  These are just a few examples of how I try to cherish the time that I have been given with my husband.

There are many other things that I think make my second marriage much richer, but on reflection I think those things can be traced back to one of these three areas.  I believe that anyone who practices these in their own marriage will also have a rich experience and enjoy many of the blessings that marriage has to offer.