Love once meant: don't say what you like, just go with what they like.But love, real love, grows.
It becomes: share, kindly, what you like, so that your spouse will be able to love you the way you really want to be loved.
It's actually quite loving to do that! We all want to be able to love well and when you share with your spouse how they can love you well, it sets them up for success!
It's risky, though, especially when it has to do with what goes on in the bed.
Consider printing these questions or making a Word doc of them. Take some time individually to complete the answers and plan a time (ideally, a leisurely, fun time) to share your answers with each other.
Before we make love:
- I really like it when you...
- I feel good when you...
- It helps me feel close to you when you...
- I'd rather you didn't...
- I would like it if you...
When we make love:
- I really like it when you...
- I feel good when you...
- I'd rather you didn't...
- I like to feel connected by...
- I would enjoy trying...
Remember, don't look at this as an opportunity to "fire shots," but to let your spouse into your world so he or she can love you well. And open yourself to receiving whatever your spouse has to say. Don't take offense. We are each different and desire different things. If what they offer seems odd to you, don't say that! You probably sound odd to them!
You are here to bless each other, so open your heart and open your mind to hearing what they really want. I can tell you that in our marriage, discussing these questions a number of years ago began a major shift in our love life.
In the words of an ancient Hebrew book of wisdom: "May you rejoice in the wife of your youth...may you ever be intoxicated with her love."
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