6 Steps to Figuring Out What Your Marriage is all About

Years ago Beth and I read Stephen Covey’s Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.  It influenced us

a great deal.  One principle that we particularly loved was trying to create a personal mission statement.  Businesses have them to keep them focused on what their heart is.  It also communicates to others the core values of their company.

Covey’s idea was to do the same for your specific life.  Recently, our church did a series on “The Wholehearted Family” and suggested doing something similar.  Then I thought, why not create a mission statement for your marriage?

Spinning off of the sheet we got from our church, here is how it could work: 

1. Get intentional.

Plan a time maybe your next date night, vacation, getaway, or morning that you can spend together to talk this through. 

2. Pray

Ask for wisdom for this process.

3. Figure Out What’s Important

Here are some good questions to ask each other:

What kind of marriage partners do we want to be?

What is the purpose of our marriage?

How do we want to treat each other?

How do we want to resolve our differences?

How can we both support each other in our respective goals?

What kind of parents do we want to be?

What principles do we want to teach our children to help them prepare for adulthood and lead responsible, caring lives?

What roles will each of us have?

How can we best relate to each other’s families?

What traditions do we bring with us from the families in which we were raised?

What traditions do we want to keep and create?

Are there things from our family histories that we want to change?

When others look at our marriage, what do we want them to say?

Make a list of core values

Based on your answers to some of the questions, come up with a list of central concepts that really captures your hearts.

Make a list of phrases that inspire both of you

Think bible verses, movie quotes, song lyrics or catchy phrases that mean a lot to you. 

4. Synthesize the Information

Narrow down your list to 5-7 of the most important ideas and then write them in a way that resonates with you and your spouse.

It can be a list, a paragraph, a sentence, or a collage.

5. Display It

Write it up.  Put it on the fridge and/or frame it and put in on a wall where you’ll see it regularly.

6. Use It

When you have big decisions to make as a couple, go back to it and ask how it will influence your choice.