5 Love Languages Video

In this previous post we introduced the idea that each of us gives and receives love in different ways, or languages.  The 5 love languages honestly transformed the way Beth and I reacted to each other.  For so many of us, we are giving love, but our spouse doesn't think we are.  And we are receiving love, but we don't think so because we speak different "love languages" without realizing it.

This is a fantastic short video that illustrates the 5 love languages without any words.  Check it out.  It's really worth it.



The 5 Love Languages Trailer from Dr. Gary Chapman on Vimeo.

The Brave Ones

Recently I attended an annual national event called Leadercast.  It brings together some of the most successful leaders in the country to talk about what makes successful leadership.

As I sat and listened to various speakers I saw numerous ways that the principles applied to marriage.  I'll share them sporadically in the next few weeks. 

Here's the first one.

The Brave Ones.

Leadership requires bravery.

Bravery is being willing to face difficulty...on...purpose. 

This is the nature of marriage too.

Marriage is so difficult.  How do you take two people who are completely different in personality, gender, likes, quirks, and dreams and have them get along-happily?

But here's the good news.  Andy Stanley, in the opening Leadercast speech, said "Bold leadership is NOT reserved for bold people, fearless people, people with some specific talent or gift, for the ultra-smart, or ultra-resourced."

He pointed out that really smart people are so smart that they can often talk themselves out trying crazy, bold things.

But the rest of us, not-as-smart-people aren't smart enough to know we shouldn't try.  Even if you are smart, falling in love makes you dumb, doesn't it?

Love makes us brave enough to naively enter into a tremendously difficult relationship thinking we can pull it off quite easily.

So, if you're married, remember you were once brave.  You and your spouse were Brave Ones. 

I was a Brave One too, but am I still brave now?  Are you still brave? 

Are we still Brave Ones when it comes to our marriages?

Will we still face the difficulties in our relationship...on...purpose? 

That's my challenge to me and my challenge to you.

Photographers, Couple, Servants

So, the other day we mentioned in the blog about the 5 Love Languages.  So, this past Saturday evening, at Dan & Lauren's wedding, I saw this in a very humble and honoring way.

I've seen it before, but again it reminded me of their kindness.

John & Stephanie Uptmor.

Two amazing photographers.

A darling couple.

Two people with hearts the size of Texas. 

Throughout the night, while the two of them are doing what they do, taking pictures, hustling, arranging people, sweating in the heat,  they are always serving others.  

I saw this as we had taken a little dinner break, and all of us vendors were sitting there eating.  A couple of the guys were talking about frustrations with their daytime jobs.  John, having worked in the same field, proceeded to tell them about some good job openings and how to get an in with the company.  I mean, he didn't have to do that, didn't have to care....but he does.  This is just, it seems to me, John's normal.  It's really honorable and honoring.

I was also the receipent of such kindness as I asked Stephanie if she had an aspirin for my raging headache that night.  John became my hero as he quickly got up and bought me some.  

I mean...really?!

He didn't have to, but he just did.  He probably would have rather rested his feet for a bit, but he didn't.  He served.

On top of it all, Stephanie and John are also always building up others with their words.  It's genuine.  That's just who they are.  

Truly thankful for these two and the kindness that exudes from them!  

Get to know them more and see their work at Imagine It Photography!

Throwing rocks: peacefulness and a better version of yourself

Throwing rocks into the water

One of our fav. places to get away to is Lakeside, Ohio.  We went there on Sunday for Mother's Day.  When we passed through the entrance, Kurt and I both inhaled deeply and then exhaled more slowly.  

Peaceful.

This is what Lakeside is like for us.  Maybe it's the sweetness of the cute cottages.  Maybe it's the waves you hear lapping onto the shores.  Maybe it's all the quaintness of a place that has such a rich history.  Whatever it may be, it just is for us.

Peacefulness.

So, as we took a little stroll, we found a new place along the shore to climb down and get closer to the water.  We found the smallest rocks we could for Celia (18mths) to throw in and Kurt the largest of all.  There was such delight for all of us in tossing rocks into the glittering water below.  Why?

Again, it was peaceful. (and a lot of fun! Big splashes = lots of fun)

It was nothing huge, but it was simply being together and doing something fun together.  It was one of my favorite parts of the day.  (later we all crashed and I took a killer 2 hour nap - that was my second favorite part of the day!  :)

So, I don't know what it is for you that helps give you a little more peace in your normal day, but whatever it might be, try it.  It may help you just to breathe a little more deeply.  And that, I think, will help you become a better version of yourself.  

The Key to Marital Bliss: The Ohio State Buckeyes?!

If there is one key to marital bliss, what would it be?

We're not sure, but a key to wedding day bliss for Ohio State graduates has got to be to have The Ohio State Alumni Band play at your reception!

We had the privilege of filming Lauren and Dan's wedding this past Saturday.  We enjoyed being a part of many firsts for us that day, like seeing our first ketubah ceremony, our first wedding under a chuppah,  but certainly the most exuberant part of that lovely day was seeing the crowd quite literally go nuts dancing and singing along with The Ohio State Alumni band.

Lauren and Dan met at Ohio State and brought their love for the Buckeyes to full form to celebrate their union.  Here's a small clip of the fun!
Goodman clip 1 from For Real Wedding Films on Vimeo.

He Wants You 2

Last Saturday on this post we linked to a video that can feel jarring for men and women alike, but

especially women.

The idea that men are visually wired (even after they've put on a wedding ring) is very upsetting for women and that is understandable.  They have no analog for comparison.  For most ladies, they like the appearance of a good-looking man, but it's minor in comparison to other attractions such as emotional connection and shared experiences.  For men, however, physical attraction is pervasive.

The key that I wanted to point out is that we are talking about good men.  Good men.

We're not talking about men with wandering hearts, or men who flaunt their looking in a way that embarrasses and shames their wives.  These men have heart problems, not eye problems.  It is not their masculinity at fault, but their values.

The good man, however, knows where his heart is: with his chosen love.  The woman with the ring that he sacrificed to buy is the one he wants.  He's obviously aware that some starlet in a movie (who has professional makeup artists and plastic surgeons on hand) has "wow" factor.  But she is really irrelevant to him emotionally.  He wants the woman next to him in bed who hasn't combed her hair yet.  In other words, a good man, even though his noticing of other people's attractiveness still exists, truly wants you and you alone.

A good man needs to accept this about himself, but the greatest gift his wife and lover can give him is for her to accept him as well.  That means embracing his masculinity.  He probably hides these realities because, again, he loves you and knows it's hard to understand.  But fully honoring his full masculinity communicates that you trust his heart and his full love and pleasure in you.

Simple Quiz: What's Your Love Language?

When we first got married, one of the key books we read was The Five Love Languages.  It has stuck with us throughout the years.  And now as we raise our little ladies, we're trying to figure them out.

There are 5 dominant love languages.  They are:

Words of affirmation - you love receiving and speaking life into others through encouraging words.

Acts of service - you naturally want to serve others, by doing things for them.

Physical touch - you tend to love hugs and give hugs to others...your very comfortable with forms of physical touch and enjoy it.

Gifts - buying and receiving a special gift means a lot to you.

Quality Time - going for a walk, grabbing coffee, playing basketball....etc. are your main way to show your love for someone else and how you feel most loved.

How well do you know your love language? What about your spouse?

Take this simple quiz, to figure it out.

1.  When asked how do you feel most loved, would you:

      a.  rather go to a movie with your girl?

      b.  buy that cute pair of shoes you've been wanting?

      c.  like holding hands with your man and being snuggly while reading a book?

      d.  love for your man to help you put up those twinkly cute lights you've wanted to do....since like forever?

      e.  like to receive a hand written letter from your girl?

This is just a very small version of a much more nuanced concept, but it's a fun beginning!

Here are some more thorough love language quizzes: 

from The Relationship Coach

from the official site.